complementary differences

Different ways of showing feelings between gender

Nowadays we know that the reluctance men have with feeling and with communicating emotions has a biological root. They capacity to feel is, to a greater degree than in women, physically divorced from their capacity to articulate; further, the emotional centres of the male brain are located far more discretely than in the woman.

It is not that he “bottles things up” – more that his emotions are in separate box, in a separate room, a room not routinely visited. The language of the male is more in the vocabulary of action – doing things, sharing activities, expressing feelings through inarticulate gifts, favours, and physical courtesies. Holding a door open, or carrying in the groceries is not mere social convention; it is the masculine for ” I care for you”

Yet verbal self-disclosure, and the sharing o f confidence and feelings, is inextricably part of the intimacy of woman desires. The greater female priority on the emotions is a product of the “wiring” differences in yet another way. Women are more emotional because they are more specifically designed to care about people. They experience other people’s distress as their own.

Men, with their “doing” brains, will respond to another’s distress by searching for a practical solution to it. To the mother, the baby’s crying reaches her heart. The father goes to the baby book to scan the useful catalogue of cause and cure: wetness – change the nappy, hunger – feed the child, wind – burp it, tiredness – rock it. Men often express the caring side of themselves by playing with children – again, doing things.


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