Love, or at least male lust, is blind. High testosterone, acting upon a male brain, increases, the single-minded approach to a problem. The same is true of sexual opportunity – high levels of male hormones propel the male towards the object of his desire. When the testosterone levels subside – when passion is spent – the brain at last begins to receive a wider input of information. The girl who seemed so sensational last night now appears totally different.
Men like sex because they are guaranteed gratification. Hardly any man are incapable of orgasm, while only one-fifth of women can claim an automatic climax. Male ardour cools abruptly after ejaculation; the non-orgasmic woman experiences a much longer – and lonelier – decline in the level of excitement.
Sexual gratification matter less to women than it does to men. An overwhelming number of women cite affection and intimacy as their primary reason for liking sex.
Men, too often mistaking their partner as the sexual mirror of themselves, may pump and thrust with the energetic misapprehension that ” this is what she really wants” when essentially, and not even sexually, she wants to be gentled. This is also, for women, the surer route to pleasure – the positive role of affectionate and intimate love may explain why the female orgasm rate is 17 times more likely in marriage, while for men it is 9 times more likely.
The affectionate and social side of sex matters less to a man. Her mind is organised so as to place a primacy on relationship – his on achievement. Yet women end romantic attachments more often than men. But this, too, fits in with our knowledge of the female brain. Seeking romance, they can judge the success or failure of romance because relationships are the subject they know, and can therefore judge, best.
Physically, in the female brain, the centre of reason and emotion are better connected. She is better equipped to analyse and rationalise her emotions. Young men fall in love more frequently than women, because their hearts have less communion with their heads, or more accurately, because their brain functions have less communion with each other.
It is significant that when men try to be romantic they invoke the mental strategy which is more appropriate to them. Not for nothing are chocolates and jewellery described as “tokens” of affection. Not for nothing does he “say it with flowers” – he cannot say it with words. Men do not have such easy access to the language of love.
Men show their love by invitations to dine, sail, ski or even go to the football match together. Women’s friendship involve sharing confidences.
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